It’s April! Only a little over one month to go until we find out how Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo exits the building. Tonight, we get a whole host of Tonys in episode 20, called Charade. I’d be happy just keeping the one Tony we already have, but, alas … Let’s see what’s going on with our favorite Special Agent crew, shall we?
Michael Weatherly as Tony and Rocky Carroll as Vance on NCIS. (Photo: Robert Voets, CBS)
We open at a swanky political shindig, with Director Vance and our Very Special Agent, Anthony DiNozzo, mingling with the guests. Tony is standing in for Gibbs, we learn, as Vance greets a senator friend of his. Apparently, they are there because SecNav was invited, so they’re shadowing the boss. Another senator steps up, but when Tony introduces himself, the man freezes, refuses to shake Tony’s hand and, clearly disturbed, walks away. Senator No. 1 chuckles, pretends not to notice and quickly excuses himself to mingle. Vance wants to know what that was all about with Senator No. 2, but Tony has no idea, joking he usually only has that effect on women. We see him striking out with one of the servers, and as she exits, Senator No. 2 pops back up and wants to know what Tony is doing there, calling him a “despicable piece of filth.” Wow. Tony has much the same reaction. Tony begs the man’s pardon, but S2 is having none of it. He smacks an envelope against Tony’s chest and says Tony will regret it if he ever contacts S2 again, then hopes Tony “chokes on it” and stalks off. Completely befuddled, Tony looks down at the envelope the man smashed against his chest, and … yeah. It’s full of money.
Cue awesome opening theme song and credits!
Back in the Bull Pen of Orangey Goodness, Tony is counting the money now resting in his desk drawer. $20,000. In comes McGee and Bishop playing Name That Air Craft Carrier and having no luck coming up with a name that hasn’t already been used. They try to pull Tony into their reindeer games, but he’s distracted. Bishop and McGee explain that SecNav is having a contest to name an actual carrier, and McGee tries to impress upon Tony how incredibly cool it would be to emblazon an actual warship with a name he chose. Tony would rather McGee help him figure out the deal with the money. He explains that it might be accidentally stolen. When asked by whom, he says, “By me.”
Gibbs comes running into the bull pen, sees Tony and pulls up short, seeming surprised to see him there, but very glad that he is. He says he just got a call that an NCIS agent was killed in a car accident in Virginia and that the agent was Tony. Ruh-roh! We move to the scene of the accident, where a blue car is wrapped half around a light pole. The deputy at the scene shows Tony the cred pack he took from the dead guy in the car, and though it has Tony’s name, it’s not his picture. Tony says it’s obviously a fake, showing the guy his actual ID, prompting the deputy to wonder how he knows if this Tony is real. Tony asks how does he know if the deputy is really who he says he is, and off we go. McGee walks up, shows his creds, asks to see the false ID, but the deputy says that seeing how the dead guy isn’t an actual NCIS agent, his team will head up the investigation.
Matt McCoy and Michael Weatherly on NCIS. (Photo: Robert Voets, CBS)
Gibbs walks up then, wants the deputy to tell him how his “investigation” is going, and the deputy says it seems pretty clear to him it was either a drunken-driving situation, or the driver fell asleep at the wheel. He no sooner finishes his summation when Bishop alerts Gibbs to the two sets of tire tracks on the road, and McGee points out the white paint on the fender of the crashed vehicle, proving there was another car involved in the incident. Gibbs wants to know how the investigation is going now, and the deputy is all, Well, I guess I’ll have to look more closely into it. Ducky, who is examining the dead driver, comments on how investigators don’t “guess.” I foresee a shortened career trajectory for our poor deputy.
Ducky says he’s going to wait until the forensics guys extract the body to do the full autopsy and give them a final cause of death, but it appears the driver was trapped between the seat and steering wheel. We get a look at Dead Guy of the Week, and he does seem to bear a striking resemblance to our Tony. Meanwhile, Tony has jimmied open the smashed-up trunk and pulls out a briefcase. We’re all pretty sure what he’ll find in there, as is Tony. And yup, briefcase full of money. Fade to black and white.
Back in the bull pen, Tony is in the process of canceling his credit cards, and Gibbs strolls in, wondering why Tony didn’t mention S2’s envelope of cash. Tony explains he wanted some answers first. We move to the Screen of All Knowing and learn that our DGotW is not named Tony DiNozzo, but is one Scott Myers. As Bishop tries to bring up his real ID on the screen, the screen keeps fritzing. She fixes the loose wire while McGee brings us up to speed. Myers is a waiter and Uber driver, no connection to NCIS or S2. His NCIS ID and badge are forgeries, so McGee is looking into known counterfeiting operations. When viewing the fake ID next to Tony’s real ID, Tony is surprised at the resemblance, all, “Wow, he really is a phony Tony.” Heh. The assumption is he hacked Tony’s info, ran up his credit cards and scammed the senator. No cellphone, which they think is odd for a blackmailer and wonder what Phony Tony had on S2 that was worth $20,000. Enter Vance, who wants to know the same thing. He says S2 is coming down to talk to them. Oh boy.
Down in Ducky’s Digs, McGee enters and wants wants to know what he’s found. Death was due to blunt-force trauma, the car hitting the pole. He also located Phony Tony’s cellphone, which was in his pants pocket. The crash decimated the phone and drove the broken pieces into the man’s leg. (I will be avoiding looking at the screen for this section of our story. Please feel free to imagine all the cadavery goodness going on without me.)
We move to the garage with Bishop, Abby and the car, which is in two pieces. The firemen had to all but cut it apart to get Phony Tony out, so Abby had them complete the bisection and deliver both pieces to her. Abby has found a shred of vinyl bumper sticker on the back of the car, the rest was shaved off during the crash. She also used a newfangled scanner to get the actual color and make of the paint scrape on the fender. Turns out the paint was used only on an old European model of car. So find an old BMW or Mercedes with a scrape and partial bumper sticker, and voila, you have the second vehicle involved in the crash.
Tony is up in the conference room with S2, who immediately attacks him for dragging him in and offers him $20,000 more, but that’s it! Uh… Gibbs comes in, S2 seems confused, Gibbs wants to know if Tony has brought him up to speed, which Tony does, and gives him his money back. A very relieved S2 thanks them, but Gibbs wants to track his phone records, and S2 is all, “But you’ll find out why I’m being blackmailed.” Gibbs just looks at him. Because, really, S2? Um, busted much? So S2 falls on his rusty sword and says he’s not proud, but he really hopes that his misdeeds don’t go public. However, if they need to in order to get his blackmailer, well — and he slides his phone to Gibbs. Who explains that his blackmailer is dead, killed in a car accident. S2 promptly swipes his phone back and gets up, and when he’s reminded they have a murder investigation still open, and the whole stolen identity thing, S2 is all smiles and “my office wishes you nothing but luck.” Dirtbag.
Mark Harmon as Gibbs on NCIS. (Photo: Cliff Lipson, CBS)
S2DB exits, and Abby is just outside the conference room. She tells Gibbs she did something bad. “How bad?” he wants to know. “Bad bad.” Turns out she hacked into S2DB’s e-mail while she was waiting for them, so she knows his tawdry secret. To the shock of no one, like oh so very many before him, power has apparently gone to S2Db’s head — the one in his pants — and yup, DB is having an affair. Or six. Gibbs wants to know who the woman is, but Abby can’t ID her by the back of her head. Heh. They can’t ask DB or he’d know they hacked into his account, but before they can leave, boom, another e-mail pops into his account. Looks like there’s another Phony Tony! And now he wants $40,000. Same pickup spot. Fade to black and white.
When we return, it’s the following morning. McGee enters the bull pen with a long list of aircraft carrier names that he and Delilah scrupulously researched, and he’s convinced one of them will be the winner. Bishop hates to inform him that he’s actually allowed only one entry. Gibbs and Tony enter, and we discover that when Abby traced the e-mail back, she discovered that Tony’s identity has actually been stolen three times, and each one of the Phony Tonys has been blackmailing a different senator. One Phony Tony is dead, so that senator is off the hook, but both S2DB and S1 are still being blackmailed. The plan? Have McGee and Gibbs pose as the senators, go to the drop sites and snag the Phony Tonys by beating them at their own game.
We shift to a kids soccer game in the park. McGee makes the money drop while Bishop looks on, waiting for Phony Tony to pick up the loot before she busts him. Meanwhile, our nattily dressed Gibbs is sitting on a park bench, when another nattily dressed not-so-Tony-looking-phony sits beside him. He flashes his DiNozzo creds, and Gibbs passes him the bag of money. Meanwhile, a very DiNozzo-looking phony scoops up the bag that McGee left, and Bishop and McGee corner him by his car. Back at the park bench, Phony Tony is all, “You really don’t look like your photo.” Gibbs smiles, reaches to shake his hand and tells him he doesn’t either … as he slaps handcuffs on his wrist. Heh.
We shift to interrogation with Real Tony and the two Phony Tonys. Turns out they are actors hired by a woman who ran a Craigslist ad. They were given dossiers and fake ID’s and told what to do. Both Phonies mock the real Tony, saying how he’s such a boring guy. No wife, no kids, same apartment, same job. Nothing ever changes. Gibbs is enjoying this enormously from behind the glass. They can’t call their boss, she always calls them, but they do tell Tony where they leave the money they collect. In a locker at the bus station.
In Abby Lab, she’s looking at the camera aimed in the direction of the locker, watching to see who picks up the money. Both agents enter, leave their money bags. Then in comes the blonde. She turns around, and not only is it the woman who was in the videos with S2DB … it’s the same blonde Tony was dating back a few episodes ago, in After Hours. You know, the socialite? Oh boy. Fade to black and white.
We’re back in the bull pen as Tony explains to Gibbs that he only had her e-mail, and he threw it away as he didn’t plan on seeing her again. Bishop tracked down her name, and though there are 18 women with that name in the Greater D.C. area, none of them matches our blackmailer. Tony explains that they met in a bar, she approached him, which means she targeted him. “An easy target,” a very unhappy Gibbs barks, before ordering them to figure this out as he heads to the elevators.
Pauley Perrette as Abby and Michael Weatherly as Tony on NCIS. (Photo: Sonja Flemming, CBS)
Tony has Abby over to his apartment to run forensics, see if she can pick up any fingerprints left behind by our Blond Blackmailer. Abby says hello to Ziva and Kate (Tony’s goldfish), and he mentions how Ziva has gained a little weight. Heh. He goes back over their evening and says he was apart from her for only about 30 seconds when he went to the kitchen, so maybe she used a flash drive or her cellphone in some way. We get a flashback showing her sneaking Tony’s phone from his pocket, then quickly putting it back when he comes back in. Abby wants to know if he feels violated. Yes, he does, and “not the way I like.” Ha. Abby finds his dual “pet photo frame” and wants to know why he thinks he needs to put on a show to impress anyone. She reminds him he’s Very Special Anthony Freaking DiNozzo, and he’s a catch. He says maybe he hasn’t met the right one yet. She says maybe he’s afraid what he’ll find. He says it’s probably a waste of time, it was over a month ago, and when Abby is all, “I haven’t even made it to the bedroom yet,” he tells her it never went that far. He laments that she was good to go, too, but — then a light bulb goes off, and he dashes from the room and comes back with the bottle of chardonnay. Our BB was the last one to touch it.
In Abby Lab, we see the computer program running prints while Abby marvels that he spent 50 bucks for one bottle of wine. He says how she told him she was a trust fund baby, so he had to impress. And bingo, the prints get a hit. There are two Florida mug shots: She was arrested twice for writing bad checks and embezzlement. She’s presently off the grid, with an expired license and no taxes filed since 2009. Abby’s all, “Whatever she’s doing now obviously doesn’t hand out W-2’s.” Heh. Tony’s on the hunt, while McGee is narrowing down his aircraft carrier list. He decides to go with Hannibal Hamlin, President Lincoln’s vice prez. Tony comes in and hands out BB’s photo ID, saying no way is SecNav naming a ship the USS Hannibal, unless they plan to christen it with a bottle of chianti and a can of fava beans. Ha! He heads out to track down BB, while Bishop and McGee explain to Gibbs that they think S1 was the one who killed our Dead Phony Tony. Turns out the blackmailer referred to his “military secret,” and Bishop was able to track down the fact that S1 paid a doctor to give him a medical discharge so he wouldn’t have to fight in the Gulf War. His Navy records are sealed, but not to NCIS agents, which is why BB wanted an agent’s ID, so she’d have access to untold amounts of secure information. All the better to blackmail with.
They have also determined that S1 drives an old white Mercedes, and they think the part of the decal found on Dead Phony Tony’s car was from a parking sticker on the bumper of the Mercedes. To find out for sure, they need a warrant, but he’s a sitting U.S. senator, so … Gibbs is just, “Get one.” And off they scamper.
We shift into high gear with Tony behind the wheel of his car, jamming soundtrack to go with, as he flies down the highway in search of his quarry. Unfortunately, said flying gets him pulled over. He gets out, flashes his creds, and we all know where this is going, right? He ends up face down on the hood of his car, being arrested for impersonating a federal officer. Fade to black and white.
McGee springs Tony from the hoosegow. Tony, who now smells like sauerkraut thanks to being in a holding cell with two guys who stole a hot-dog cart. Dude can’t catch a break. He’s feeling it, too. Tony thinks he’s lost his edge. He got played by a bimbo, he’s being impersonated by “Laurel and Hardy” buffoons, he feels like his life is a charade. McGee assures him he hasn’t lost anything. Tony isn’t buying it. He says BB stole his identity, but he feels like he already lost it. And it’s a light-hearted moment, as has been this whole episode, but we all know where this season is heading, in terms of DiNozzo’s season end departure. The only question remaining is how they do it. Is this the Beginning of the End? He thinks it’s like some weird metaphor for where his life is, and McGee is all, “We don’t have time for an existential crisis right now.” He reminds him that he survived the bubonic plague and saved Gibbs from drowning. He also reminds him that he’s one of McGee’s very best friends. Bishop buzzes in letting them know she’s tracked down BB, so McGee is all, “Let’s go get her!” and off they ride.
In the bull pen, Bishop is fitting Tall Phony Tony with a wire. He’s been paged to meet BB, so he’s going to show up with Bishop and Gibbs watching from afar. She tells Gibbs that Tony and McGee will meet them there. When he asks where they are, she looks at Vance, then back to Gibbs and just tells him they were following a lead that didn’t pan out. Not sure Gibbs is buying that, but he turns his attention to Tall Phony Tony, calling him Stretch. Heh. He reminds Phony Tony he has one shot to get this right, and PT is all, “I’m an actor.” Gibbs tells him that’s exactly what he’s worried about.
Michael Weatherly as Tony on NCIS. (Photo: Sonja Flemming, CBS)
We go to the park as wired Phony Tony hangs out by the snack stand. Gibbs is on a park bench nearby with a very handsome black Lab. McGee is a park employee, raking leaves. Bishop is on another park bench, chatting on her phone, but actually talking into McGee’s earpiece. The only person we haven’t seen is Real Tony. Turns out he’s not-so-happily hiding in the backseat of the car because BB knows what he looks like. Suddenly, Phony Tony starts fanning himself with his newspaper, then starts pulling off his suit jacket. Gibbs sends Bishop over to find out what’s going on with him. He’s having a panic attack, so they have to abort. Bishop and McGee hustle him away, just as we see BB looking through a pair of binoculars from them … over to Gibbs. She’s holding a small white dog and looking very unhappy. She exits to the parking lot. Bad idea there, missy. She climbs in Phony Tony’s car, only to be met at gunpoint by Real Tony. He holds up the cuffs and tells her he imagined putting them on her, only under different circumstances. She’s not nearly as amused as we are.
In interrogation, she’s writing down her full confession as Gibbs comes in. She tells him it’s actually her get-out-of-jail-free card, saying how she knows S1 was the guy who killed Phony Tony 1. Gibbs is all, “He’s a sitting senator and you’re a scam artist. Why believe you?” She explains she has cellphone records of getting calls from Phony Tony that night and how the senator was following him, then screams, then dead phone. She wants to swap her testimony for immunity. Gibbs tells her he doesn’t make deals. She’s all, “Fine, arrest me and let a murderer go free.” She knows it’s all about leverage, and how she learned that in her former job as a mortgage loan officer. He leaves and she wants to know where he’s going. He tells her she should be more worried about where she’s going.
Gibbs talks to his team, but they don’t have definitive proof that S1 killed Phony Tony. As it stands, they need her testimony. Gibbs tells them there is no way she’s walking. They go over the situation and wonder how she managed to dig up the info on S1’s military secret. Even with access, it wouldn’t be easy to find. Unless, Gibbs realizes, she had someone on the inside. Someone who knew the senator well. They barge into S1’s office and tell his assistant they need to speak with the senator. She’s the same officious woman who tried to keep Tony out of the political shindig because he was standing in for Gibbs and didn’t have an official wristband. She tells them her boss is out and would they like to leave a message. Gibbs tells her yes, please tell her boss that he’s going to need a new assistant. Heh.
We move to the conference room, where the Laurel and Hardy Tonys are chowing down as we review the final notes of the case. Turns out it wasn’t the senator who killed Phony Tony 1, it was his assistant. We get some Laurel and Hardy back and forth as that brain trust tries to tie the whole story together. Turns out BB and S1’s assistant were mortgage bankers together. Both lost everything in the recession crash and turned their hands to a new gig instead. It went so well, they expanded operations, hence multiple Phony Tonys. Said PT’s want to know their fate and Tony has to inform them that they will do time, but with good behavior, not as much as they might have.
Adam Mayfield, left, and Ben Giroux on NCIS. (Photo: Sonja Flemming, CBS)
Back in the bull pen, I’m guessing we need to wrap up the aircraft carrier story. Bishop is looking at her computer screen, geeking out, all, “No way!” McGee wants to know what’s up, and she tells him she’s one of 10 finalists in the contest. McGee congratulates her, no hard feelings. Gibbs does, too. McGee wants to know what she went with as her choice. She went with USS Admiral John McGee. McGee’s dad. Aw!! He thanks her, and Gibbs smiles. Fade to black and white.
Another one in the can! We’re all too close the season’s end. Let’s talk giveaway winners and cheer us up a little. Many, many thanks to all of you who took time to write and share your thoughts, even when they’re different from mine – maybe especially so! I like hearing everyone’s theories on how Tony will exit the show. Also a big thank-you for your interest in my “day job.” If you give any of my books a try, I hope you or your loved ones enjoy them. Two of you are going to get that chance right now! The winners of a signed advance copy of Starfish Moon, and your choice of a Blueberry Cove canvas tote bag OR a lovely bookmark charm designed exclusively for my Blueberry Cove series by The Cotton Thistle are: Jolena Wipf and Melinda Powers! Jolena and Melinda, please e-mail me at dmkauffman1@gmail.com with an address and your prize choice, and I’ll get them in the mail to you!
Once again, no new episode next week. (So unfair, Show!) As it happens, I’m in countdown mode not only for the end of this season, but also for the big release day of Starfish Moon on April 26! To that end, since we have two weeks to wait, I’m putting two autographed copies up for grabs. (Real copies, no phonies!) Want in? Send me an e-mail to dmkauffman1@gmail.com with “A real copy of Starfish Moon please – no phonies!” in the subject line and you’re good to go. Of course, if you want to include your thoughts about this week’s episode, or the season in general, please do. I love hearing from you! Prize winners will be announced in the next recap. I always post a recap link on my FB page and on my Twitter feed, so jump over to either one and join the fun. More giveaways, too, not to mention all the latest casting updates for NCIS (some juicy ones this week!) and our Tuesday Mark Harmon Moment! Good luck!
Donna Kauffman is the USA TODAY bestselling author of more than 50 titles. (I know! She’s busy like that!) Born in Washington, D.C., she now lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia surrounded by wildlife that has nothing to do with what’s going on in our nation’s capital. You can scope out her website (a little episode title humor there) at www.donnakauffman.com. She loves to hear from her readers. Yes, even you.
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